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Important conversations to have before marriage
With over 100,000 weddings happening across Australia each year, our goal is to help you be as prepared as possible for the loving, lifelong commitment that is marriage.
With over 100,000 weddings happening across Australia each year, our goal is to help you be as prepared as possible for the loving, lifelong commitment that is marriage. That’s why we’ve collated a list of topics and questions to guide you through an open conversation with your partner in preparation for a life together.
Before you start, we suggest:
- Scheduling a mutually agreed-upon time to have the conversation.
- Reviewing the questions separately before discussing together.
- Creating a safe space that is free from distractions and conflict. Listen, don’t interrupt and don’t get defensive about answers. Stay open-minded.
- Finding a comfortable environment that is outside of the bedroom – why? Because this is your sacred intimate space.
- Browsing the additional resources listed at the end of this article.
- Not discussing all topics at once. Give yourselves time to reflect and engage in the process without feeling overwhelmed, pressured or stressed.
Topics & Questions
| Household | How will chores be divided and is this equal? What are your views on tidiness and cleanliness? How willing are you to move if need be? |
| Financial | What are our financial goals, individually and as a couple? Will we have a shared or separate bank accounts? What debts or financial commitments am I bringing into this marriage? What are my values and attitudes towards spending, saving and wealth? |
| Children and family | What is your definition of ‘family’? Do you want children? If so, how many and when? Who is going to take on certain roles and responsibilities with caregiving? What are your views on – hiring a nanny, vaccinations, schooling, pocket money, chores for the children? Are there any issues with your extended family/ parents right now, and how much contact do we each want to have with our families moving forward? |
| Friends and leisure time | Are you happy with the number of friends you currently have and how frequently you see them? How often do you want to see your friends, and will this be together or on your own? How much free time do you want to spend together each week? Who makes decisions about how we spend our free time? What are your holiday preferences? Frequency/ destinations/ style/ length. |
| Work/ career | What work/ career goals do you have in the short and long-term? How important is work to you? How do you see work affecting our relationship moving forward? |
| Health and wellness | How much value do you place on keeping healthy/ fit? How compatible is you approach to health and wellness to mine? |
| Sex and intimacy | How satisfied am I with our sex life right now? What are my views on monogamy and fidelity? How open are you when talking about sex? In what way would you like our sex life to improve? |
| Beliefs, values and personality | Do we have different political views and if so, how do we overcome this? What are our personality similarities and differences? Are there any personality differences that bother you? What role does religion play in your life? Do you want to raise our children with certain religious or spiritual beliefs and traditions? Can you trust me to tell me anything and be completely honest with me? What areas of our communication do we need to improve? How aware and committed are you to examining your own behaviours, making changes and growing beyond who you are now? How can I best support you during difficult times? What are my non-negotiables in the relationship and what do I need to see changed before we get married? |
| The happy place | What do you love about your partner? What do you love most about our relationship? How do you show your partner that you love them and is this their preferred way of receiving love? Why is this relationship even more special than the others we have been in before? Why do I want to marry my partner? |
Other resources that we love:
- Take the 5 Love Languages quiz here to assess what style of affection makes you and your partner feel most loved.
- I Do Podcast’s Relationship Advice series interviewed best-selling author, Susan Piver, about hard conversations. We can’t wait to read her book, ‘The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do”’.
- Glennon Doyle’s new podcast, ‘We Can Do Hard Things’ had an insightful episode (31 August 2021) on conversation techniques that will really transform the way you communicate with your partner. Check it out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Audacy now.
- Psychology Today’s article on ’18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married’
- Love to Know’s article on ‘100 Questions You Should Ask Before Marriage’
Wishing you the most wonderful, loving journey into marriage!
If you have any feedback for us on these questions and resources, please comment below or contact us.
With warm wedding regards,
Kimberley xx
